It might seem odd to think about, the hippiest of activities, gardening, is really a metaphor for the viciousness of capitalism, but it’s true. Allow me to explain.

Gardening involves weeding. Weeding is taking out the smaller, less profitable plants so that the more productive or fashionable plants are allowed to grow bigger. These plants are already much larger than the weeds, but the big business of gardening does not let any stand in their way. The Mom and Pop stores of the floral world are not even given a chance to survive because they get in the way of the progress of high-producing flowers or vegetables. It would be the same thing as the government tearing out the surrounding stores outside a Wal-Mart, and killing everyone inside so they can’t set up shop again. Gardeners are the hand of God, coming out from the sky and smiting the meek.

It doesn’t even allow the Free Market of the vegetable garden to decree which plants lives and which plants die. Gardeners are even beyond the libertarians. Gardeners are a fascist regime commiting a weed holocaust.

With no revolution in the foreseeable future, the bourgeoisie will continue to trample the rights and liberties of the proletariat plants who just want to live out their peaceful plant lives.

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