Archives for category: Fun

The traditional worship of the gods of the Greek pantheon has all but ended in our scientific modernity, yet their influence has never waned. They have merely slipped from memory, bygones of a superstitious era when humans were believed to be primitive in their comprehension of the universe. However, the governance of our universe still remains in their divine hands. For what is 299 792 458 m/s if not shining Helios, riding his chariot across the universe, illuminating our world. Who is unseen Hades if not 6.626070040(81)×10−34 J⋅s, the ruler of the underworld, governing its chaos. Although his time as the lord of all the Olympic gods has concluded, mighty Zeus still hurls his thunderbolts as 1.6021766208(98)×10−19 C. Uranus, father of Cronus, holds together the heavens as 6.674×10−11 N⋅m2/kg2, while his wife, 9.80665 m/s2, mother Gaia, rules our home of Earth. Though much less capricious, these immortal and immutable gods still define our understanding of the universe surrounding us. We still worship them in awe and wonder, we’ve just forgotten their names.

Conceding that the internet will never be suitable for anything other than cute animal pictures, I am giving up my raison-d’être for delivering social and philosophical insight into the nature of our culture, our universe, and our selves. People do not wish to contemplate their purpose, nor do they long for a just society if it means having to think critically about the world around them. I have failed to stop the tides, and it seems the only course of action is to give in to the mindlessness of hedonistic distractionism.

So, here is a list of cute animal pictures. They are numbered because breaking everything down into manageable chunks is the only way to communicate within the insipidness of the internet age.

1.

Can caring about this kitten and caring about the societal decay that surrounds us coexist? No. It's one or the other.

Convince the people of the beneficence of your tyranny, and they will wage your wars against the oppressed for you.

2.

Substituting direct human contact for digital communication has been the greatest failure of the technological age.

Substituting direct human contact for digital interaction has been the greatest failure of the technological age.

3.

Human fragility is not the lack of stoic endurance, but the fear of the inevitable. The fear of death. Only when we accept the end do we become strong.

Human fragility is not the lack of stoic endurance, but the fear of the inevitable. The fear of death. Only when we accept the end do we become strong.

4.

Is fear of the Other intrinsic to the human condition, or conditioned into us by the power elite? We may destroy ourselves before the answer is discovered.

Is fear of the Other intrinsic to the human condition or learned? We may destroy ourselves before the answer is discovered.

5.

The isolation we suffer due to the competitive nature of society leads us to believing happiness is only available through mindful exertion, rather than connecting with a greater purpose.

The isolation begotten from our culturally-imposed competitiveness leads us to believe happiness is only available through mindful exertion, rather than connecting with a greater purpose.

6.

Fighting for our differences will only serve to obfuscate our similarities.

7.

If we believe in the supremacy of our current paradigm, then history is nothing but a long series of misinterpretations. Given this trend, what merit does our 'truth' really hold?

If we believe in the supremacy of our current paradigm, then history is nothing but a long series of misinterpretations. Given this trend, what value does our ‘truth’ really hold?

8.

When the end comes, both sides will look to the other and say, “I told you so!”

HealthBC Now Offering New ‘Human Connection’ Drug For Seniors

http://www.kymonews.com/news/BC/healthbc-now-offering-new-human-connection-drug-for-seniors/article5633563/

HealthBC has spent years contriving new ways of keeping its financial head above the water, and this year it must manage the dismal 18 billion dollar budgetary constraints being imposed upon it by the provincial government. However, after sustained incremental cuts over the years to seemingly superfluous programs like social activities for seniors in state-funded care facilities, it has discovered an unfathomable conundrum. Many studies have shown that basic interaction between human beings has a distinctive physiological benefit for seniors and has even been shown to reduce the risk of cognitive disabilities like Alzheimer’s and dementia. KYMO News spoke to HealthBC official Sarah Palmers in 2014 about this development:

“Providing overworked employees to cater our understaffed facilities has been a staple of the HealthBC family for generations. We strongly abide by our stance that facilitating a relationship with our clientele is detrimental to the care that we as a faceless government monolith can provide. We cannot abandon our mission statement of fiscal efficiency to the point of criminal neglect, but we also cannot ignore this new data. HealthBC is committed to finding a way to incorporate this ‘Human Connection’ into the services we provide.”

Finding a way to commodify human connection confused and frightened health care providers, and many failed attempts were initially made. One such attempt was HealthBC’s partnership with the residential care reform movement Worldwide Health Organizational Reform for Engaging Seniors. By joining with WHORES, HealthBC adopted many new service programs. For a nominal fee, HealthBC would send over WHORES caregivers to pretend to be the grandchildren of resident seniors. Matching the hair colour and age of those grandchildren would cost extra, and legal fees would need to be accommodated if the caregiver needed to be trafficked from another country. Unfortunately, this service has been suspended pending a verdict from the International Human Rights Tribunal.

Luckily, today scientists have been able to synthesize human connection by analyzing brain scans of seniors looking at pictures of their families while using the pictures of their domineering and patronizing hospital attendants as the control. The actual families could not be reached for this research due to being “too busy”. The results researchers discovered were put in little capsules and simply added to the Skittles bag of pills that seniors endure on a daily basis. Of course, human connection is not considered a medical necessity, so these pills will not be covered under the Medical Services Plan of BC.

KYMO News interviewed Mrs. Palmers after this new development to obtain the official position of HealthBC:

“HealthBC is thrilled to offer Human Connection to our service users at a reasonable price. By blissfully ignoring the significantly cheaper preventative methods being touted to exhaustion by seniors advocates, we can move forward with this million dollar research that allows us to more fully explore new ways to distance ourselves from our clientele.”

Human Connection may not be right for you. If you suffer from introversion or misanthropy, Human Connection may cause severe rash or diarrhea. Please consult your doctor before use.